The Sacred Masculine.
My journey into self-discovery and spiritual exploration began around the age of 17 when I was first gifted the book The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. I was raised void of any sort of religious teachings and/or spiritual direction. My parents were by no means atheists and I am not even sure I would have considered them agnostic but talk of anything outside of what was our physical reality didn't happen. I can remember back to as early as 8 years old, lying alone in my room, wondering who I was and where I came from. I often felt detached from even myself and at times terrified of the vast emptiness I was experiencing. Some might say that this is a shame and that I was deprived of connection to source for the formative years of my life. But I don't see it that way. In fact, I view it as a gift. Because I had zero beliefs and patterns established or engrained in me, I was left with a blank canvas and the ability to entirely form my own opinions and belief systems.
The words of Kahlil Gibran were such a beautiful entry into spirituality for me. His work sang right to my soul and I devoured every piece I could find. Other books immediately followed such as, The Seat of the Soul, Tao Te Ching, Autobiography of a Yogi and Conversations with God. My tumultuous young marriage and my inauguration into motherhood at 19 years old, continued to catapult me further into the exploration of self, particularly in the ways of being a woman. I sought out empowered female therapists and healers. I attended lectures and workshops and spiritual "Goddess" retreats. I read books by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Starhawk, and Marianne Williamson. I was enthralled and seduced with the archetype of the woman and determined to uncover and understand all of her layers. To really know and connect with the Divine Feminine. To embody the Divine Feminine. I pushed back against men [possibly because I was in an emotionally abusive relationship] and sought the shelter and comfort of other women. I felt so supported in this process. There seemed to be a collective uprising to feed this 'wild wombyn' who we had been suppressing for so long. The present day movement towards the Divine Feminine is all around us. It is easily accessible and openly spoken about with a multitude of avenues for guidance and education. We have after all, moved into the Age of Aquarius and women are being put on a pedestal.
But as I became more clear on who I was a woman and what my wants, needs, and desires were, I became particularly interested in educating myself on the other side of this spectrum. The yang to my yin: The Boy. The Man. The Warrior. The King. Oh what a beautiful creature. Everything that I am not, but everything that I have always needed. I knew that I had found my new teacher...the Sacred Masculine. I came to understand, thanks to David Deida, that my union with a man who embodied purpose, spiritual wisdom, strength, humor, sensitivity, and integrity was what was going to allow me to be fully empowered to operate from the place of the Divine Feminine. To live out my purpose as a woman. Who would have known? In all the teachings regarding feminine power I had previously encountered, never once was the importance of the man ever mentioned. And why not? Why have we left behind our crucial counterpart? Most men I know fully embrace the feminine movement. They are not threatened by it but inspired by it and long for its presence in their lives. But many of these same men are also lost in our midst and we aren't providing them a road map. They are ready for Sacred Masculine expansion but are short on tools and directions.
A while back, I discovered the works of Lori Ann Lothian. Her insight on the subject is spot on: "Ultimately, this dance of the divine in both genders is not about lighting incense, chanting at kirtan, wearing white or even gathering in gender-specific goddess groups or men’s Iron John style movements designed to reclaim a lost chest-thumping masculine. Rather, it’s about being real 360-degree humans, embracing both the sacred and the mundane within ourselves and each other. When men are willing to meet women heart-first and to live from that divine place of kingly wisdom, warrior courage and boy-like vulnerability, we women are given the gift of receiving all of you. And we are given permission to reveal all of who we are—the nurturing goddess, the juicy seductress and yes, even the nasty b*tch. In the end, the call to a Divine Feminine and Sacred Masculine is perhaps just the simple yearning to get out of our crazy-busy heads and into our still-knowing hearts."
So how do we embark on this path? Well, I'm not entirely sure. In my own experience, it means being totally transparent. It means acknowledging and embracing all parts of who I am and not being afraid to expose them to my partner, the joy/the laughter, the sorrow/the tears. For my partner, it means that he allows me to be seen and heard without trying to direct me. That in my moments of female chaos, he stands strong and valiant next to me, never wavering. Me the Moon, he the Sun. It isn't easy but somehow it isn't difficult either. A great deal of mature consciousness is required and of course two willing and committed partners. I will leave you with the list below which Lori directs to the 'mortal man'. She call is an invitation to 'dance as a god with your wanna-be-goddesses.' If you are a woman reading this, I recommend you show it to your man. If you are a man reading this, take note. It certainly is not an end all, but it is a damn good start. To quote Lori again, "Whatever the divine really is, let’s find it together."
1. Show us your heroic heart. We know you want to save what is worth saving and to rescue this planet from peril. Wage a hero’s battle against poverty, needless strife, environmental ruin or whatever stirs your courageous heart. It might be a plan to increase your neighborhood safety, to improve your child’s education, to plant a vegetable garden in your backyard or to stop prejudice wherever you see it. The world needs your brave heart to take bold action.
2.Unsheathe your sword. As a man, you wield a sword of truth that can cut through cultural distractions to what really matters. The faster car, the better sports team, the bigger salary are all fine and dandy but on your deathbed, what unfulfilled vision will you regret the most? What risk did you back away from? What chance did you refuse to take? Before you die, be bold enough to discover and live your truth.
3. Dare to dream. Before you played the role of mortal, you (well, we) created the heavens and earth. What do you wish to create here and now? What beautiful order do you wish to bring forth from the chaos of this world. What implausible dream do you want to manifest for the greater good of all? It doesn’t have to be grand, like solving world hunger. It can be simple, like solving your child’s homework problem because you are dedicated to being a great father. All we care about is that something brings you alive with passion.
4. Steer the ship. Aim your life for a noble horizon. It’s not like there’s a second in command who will captain your destiny while you snooze on the sofa after too many beers and potato chips with the TV droning in the background. Get to the helm of your life and navigate by your own pole star, the true north of your heart’s burning desire. Tip: if you don’t know what port you’re headed for, no wind is favorable.
5. Bring your soul to work. Work for more than the mortgage and car payments—work because you find some measure of joy in your job. And if the job is just to make ends meet for now, then meet that employment with gratitude and a call to service. Know that it’s not what you do, but what you bring to what you do, that matters.
6. Care deeply. As a man, you might have been taught to feel lightly and think hard, to hold your emotions back, as if you can build a dam against what naturally must flow. But your caring is what this world cries for. The tender-hearted masculine is both wise and merciful. When you weep, you give women permission to be strong. When your heart breaks we want to know it so that we can heal it together.
7. Love fearlessly. Show us the way by standing firm when we are in a beautiful rage. Don’t run from our fury—after all it might contain magical wisdom. In the gale force of feminine anger, your calm is a powerful reminder that we are met and accepted by our beloved partner.
8. Ravish your woman. Every now and then, take her wholeheartedly, without apology. Press her against a wall and bind her with your kisses. Possess your goddess, oh great god that you are, and then let her possess you. Polarity is a potent nectar and the current runs both ways.
9. Slay your demons. We all have them, the dark part of our hearts, the crevices where our fear and loathing hideout. Notice what keeps you awake at night and stalk it. Hunt your darkness and drag it into the light for loving and healing.
10. Leave your mark. Don’t settle for a fleeting cameo in which your appearance in this kingdom is so quickly forgotten. What do you want your children to say about you? Your great-grandchildren? The greatest legacy is not the wealth you leave behind, but your heartfelt message that echoes forward to future generations.