Ode To My Brothers, by John Wineland.
I'm a big fan of men.
Especially my men.
My two babies. 16 and 20 years. No longer boys but not yet men. Trying to establish their place in the world. Who they are. Who they will become. Sensitive beings. Big pain bodies. Here to break their paternal patterns.
My lover. He is medicine for my heart. Never-ending laughter. He keeps me safe.
My father. He shows up for me, has everyday for 39 years. Patient with my chaos. Always consistent.
I also love the feminine and I am in full support of dismantling the hierarchy of the disfunction of the patriarchy.
That said, we aren't offering our boys and our men the tools they need to move forward in this evolution the world is demanding of them.
They need more love. They need more support. Don't forget, the patriarch has pain too. So anytime I come across language that offers such, I think it is important to share.
John Wineland wrote the piece below called Ode To My Brothers. John serves as a guide to both men and women in the "realms of life purpose, relational communication, and sexual intimacy and embodiment".
It got me thinking about what we are all working for and towards. About what is important and what isn't. (Well, who am I kidding...I am always thinking about this!)
One of his closing lines is, "Leave this world bloody and broken hearted, smiling and grateful." Most of us aren't loving fully. We are holding back in order to protect ourselves, our egos, our fragile hearts - catering to the fear that wants to control us. Especially our men.
So what is my job as a woman to support a man's full expression of love? To show up. To speak my heart. To speak the painful truths - even if it hurts - because by doing so, shows I respect them enough to know they can handle it.
We don't need fearless men. We need men who are brave enough to say "I'm scared". Because vulnerability is the greatest sign of strength. Because the truth is, we are all fucking terrified. And saying that out loud, is the first step to moving through it.
Life is hard work. And shit isn't getting any easier. We need each other. We need safe places to fall apart. And we need the support to put our hearts back together. Let's start by surrendering to each other.
ODE TO MY BROTHERS
You will always think you could be doing more, no matter your accomplishments. Your woman will never stop complaining about your lack of presence or commitment or support. The feminine will never truly see your nobility, or how hard you work, nor will she give you enough of the devotion or sexual energy you crave. The people you love most will betray you, or die, or not care. You will give your heart and soul to something only to have the world meet it with tepid approval. Or it will be ignored completely. Men will disappoint you with their lack of depth and unconsciousness; and you will feel angry and want to shake them.
If you do truly care about people and the world, it will break your heart; the cruelty, numbness, and violence we perpetrate on each other. You will fall prey to addictions and distractions, hoping to numb the pain of loneliness, boredom or unfulfilled dreams. You will hate yourself for it. Most days will feel like burden, chasing the myth of success you think will finally get you someplace. You will ache for freedom, space, time. You will ache for deeper purpose, more impact and to be seen as a man of valor and integrity. It will elude you. You will feel hopeless and alone.
Feel all of it.
Let the futility of your efforts break your heart. Let the pain of your children’s failures, heartbreaks, sickness and death crush you. Relax into the sorrow of living until your shoulders drop and tears well up. Surrender completely.
Now we can begin.
Choose who you want to love and love them fiercely, with your wide open Grand Canyon heart. Let the weight of how much you love ripple into the world. Create something that is uniquely yours with the unbendable intention of a man walking through a wall. Be meticulous in the building. Let whatever it is be a monument to your truest heart and deepest consciousness. Let the rest go. There is not enough time. Anyone not with your deepest purpose, can Fuck Off!!
Breathe in the remarkable and mundane beauty around you at every turn. Celebrate it when you can. Smile and bow with a grateful heart.
Experience the true freedom of creating an unshakable tether to consciousness—that within and without you which never changes. Let the infinite drive your efforts. Pray hard. Let go of tasks and duties long enough to allow the feminine give you her love. Relax open the center of your body and let her gift you with all that is good in the world. Let her know how grateful you are. Play with children (your and others) as if it is the last moment on earth and your presence and love will inform the rest of their lives. It will. Whatever you do, hold nothing back. Not one word of truth, not one ounce of love, not one word of wisdom, not one feeling unfelt. Leave this world bloody and broken hearted, smiling and grateful. Let your legacy be your grounded presence and your fierce, aching heart. Nobody really gives a shit about the rest. -J.Wineland