I've had a lot of heartache lately. The kind of ache that forces you to drop to your knees. The kind of ache that takes your breath away and leaves you gasping for air. The kind of ache where there are no words to describe the pain. Raw. Deep. Dark.

The truth is, I have been finding myself in moments of real utter desperation. Grief struck in fear and isolation. Debilitating pain. Heartache. Encountering small deaths in the depths of my darkness. I understand this to be because there are parts of me that I need to leave behind, parts of me that need to die, in order for me to fully embrace my authentic self. My head can wrap itself around this understanding. My heart on the other hand, cannot.

Don't worry, the truth also is, I'm gonna be alright. I just have the blessing/curse of feeling everything too much. My being lacks spiritual armor and therefore I have no filter for pain. My own pain and the pain of those around me. It all comes in. Straight into my heart center. Sometimes suffocating me.

And my heart...poor little thing is tired. She needs to be cherished. She needs to be nurtured. She needs to be loved. And really, to be perfectly honest, she needs a God damn break!

So while many things at this point in time are out of my control, taking care of my body is something that I can manage myself. Therefore, I decided that I needed to make a heart tonic. Something sweet and simple that I can reach to throughout the day when I feel myself slipping. It certainly isn't going to prevent the darkness from seeping in, and I wouldn't want it to because I know that it is serving a purpose. The tonic's intention is to hopefully give my heart little hugs throughout the day so that she remembers that someone is thinking about her. That someone is watching out for her. That someone is loving her. All day. Everyday. Always and Forever.

HEART HUG SYRUP

3 cups cold water

2 ounces organic Elderberries

2 ounces organic Hawthorne berries

1 ounce organic Rosehips

1 organic cinnamon stick

1/2 cup raw local honey

1.5 ounces of Brandy (optional preservative)

Combine all herbs with cool water in a non-aluminum pot and bring mixture to a boil. Once boiling, reduce heat, cover, and allow to simmer for 30 minutes. Remove from heat and use a pestle (or some other similar tool) to smash and break the berries up into the liquid. Using a cheesecloth to strain the herbs, extract the juice into bowl. Wipe out the pan of any remaining residue and return the strained liquid to it. Add the honey and heat low and slow (do not boil) until honey and juice become one. If you would like to extend the shelf life of your syrup, this is when you would add the brandy. Store in a sterile glass bottle. Will keep in the fridge for up to 6 months. Take twice a day or as often as your heart needs a hug. May it help to make your heart be happy...

*I like to purchase my herbs locally at In Harmony in Ocean Beach but a great online resource is Mountain Rose.