I have made a decision that is hurting the ones I love the very most. A decision that is difficult to explain with common words because there really aren’t any to define what I know I have to do. A decision that must be made in order for me to stop just surviving and to finally begin thriving.

For my entire adult life, the decisions I have made have ultimately been based around the needs of another person. And in turn, I’ve been compromising my own, in fear of hurting another.

Maybe that’s the role of the Mother. Self-sacrificing. I get it. But who decided that? Who decided that is was the feminine who had to give up everything? To put on hold her own dreams and desires.

I feel like I’ve been asleep for 19 years. Like I’ve been dulling my own flame in order to fuel another’s fire. A fire that feeds me no more. A fire that has burned me so deep that the wounds still bleed.

Enough. I am done. I am done with halfway. I’m ready for all the way. You may call it selfish. And maybe it is. But if I don’t put on my own oxygen mask first, I won’t be here to help others put on theirs.

I know that great things wait for me. I know that this pain that I am causing will pass and everything will be okay. Because in reality, it already is.

And I will write a new story. One where I win.

I am jumping off that cliff. Because I am not walking away, I am learning how to fly.