We all experience pain in our lives, obviously some more than others. It is one of the many aspects of our human journey. If used constructively, it can be a path to our personal growth and evolution. If left unaddressed though, the pain can spread like cancer, infecting the carrier and often any children that follow.
I don’t believe in the idea of being a victim. I believe that the things that happen ‘to us’ really happen ‘for us’. I also believe that we come into this lifetime with soul agreements with the ones who we will work our pain bodies out with.
Some of us will choose to break the patterns of pain, some of us won’t. In the wake of strife, some will rise, some will fall. Neither is right nor wrong. Both are human. BUT, both are a choice.
Part of processing our pain, is to really be honest about what we are feeling. When we deny the parts that we don’t want to see, the dark and the ugly parts, we bury them deeper in our bodies. Causing further pain and further suffering, both to ourselves and those in connection to us.
I get it. Pain doesn't feel good. Our society teaches us that negative emotions aren't conducive and that darkness is best suppressed. But the bottom line is, growth comes from uncomfortabilty.
I do my best to stay in the light. But the shadow is undeniable. Her dark cloak is a part of my (and your) essence and it needs acknowledgment. For the darkness of the shadow is what allows our light to shine so bright.
With the sharing of my shadow self through recent words of mine, I made some people uncomfortable. I didn’t expect everyone to understand, or really anyone at all for that matter. Because I didn’t write and share them to make you feel warm and fuzzy. I wrote them because I needed to face the fear of shame I was feeling for the ugly emotions I was experiencing. I needed to shine light on my own darkness.
My truth is that I am feeling hatred right now. Of course I am wise enough to know that beneath the mound that the hatred sits upon, ultimately lies fear. But I’ve got to unpeel the layers to get to the foundation of the wound. And so I decided to start with the most gruesome part. The hate.
It's ugly, I know. It hurts, I know. But passing it, requires that I acknowledge it.
The other truth is, I also feel love. Love for myself, love for those who have hurt me, and love for those that I have hurt.
Gratitude too. Gratitude for the players who have been casted to play the uncomfortable and painful roles in the script of my life. Thanks to them, I am given opportunities to heal which ultimately leads to my heart's expansion.
I am a firm believer that all people are inherently good and that we are all doing the very best we know how. But sometimes that best isn’t good enough. And always, if we want our best to be better, we need to dig deeper and do the uncomfortable work of moving through our shit.
So what’s the solution? While it might be easier said then done, it is this:
Face your darkness. Look it straight in the mirror. Don’t look away when it looks back at you. Call it by its name. Call it yours. Then let it go. And decide to be better.
See the beauty on the other side of the ugliness. And cry for the pain. And then cry for the possibility.
Because tomorrow is a new day. And you always have a choice.
Choose to break the patterns. Choose to change your life.