A Letter to My Smaller Self.
I've been working hard on healing some old wounds and been thinking a lot about choices that I did or didn't make in my 37 years on this planet. Lately I have felt angry at my younger self for being so naive. For not understanding the future ramifications of my decisions. Angry at the mess that I have to continue to manage. Disappointed that some things cannot be different. Certainly I can look above all of this and I understand everything in its divine order is absolutely perfect. And I also realize that the life I live is so unbelievably amazing and that my heart is so full. But sometimes, it hurts. And sometimes, it sucks. And that's okay. Because such is the way of life well-lived.
While I cannot undo certain actions, I can work to forgive my younger, less wise self. For how could she have really known? She was so young and so green to life's tribulations. So today I decided to write a letter the the 'small' me. The little girl inside who feels scared. Who feels angry. Who feels confused. Who feels like she failed. In hopes to offer her some advice on the things that time has taught me. She cannot move backwards, but she can move forward and I hope she hears that she has the capacity and capability to be anything and everything that she desires to be.
Dear [small] Kari,
You are good enough. You are great in fact. You can do and achieve anything, absolutely anything in this lifetime. You came into this body with many gifts and it is your responsibility to share them with the world. Do not be afraid. Yes, you will fail. You will fail many times. But oh your successes! So many you will have. But you must trust. And you have to let go. And you need to love yourself first. Above all others. Because it is no one's responsibility to tend to your heart but your own.
But you must also remember, it is not your responsibly to save or fix anybody else. For another's life journey is not yours to navigate. Their pain is not your's to unwind. It is their right and their choice and their life to determine their direction.
Smile. Laugh. Dance. Sing. Do things that scare the shit out of you. You don't have to be the best at everything. There is always going to be someone who can do it better. Appreciate that. And allow it to push you beyond what you think your limits are.
Go outside. Connect to nature, to the earth. Connect to your body. Swim naked in the sea. Soak in the sun. Be grateful.
Never stop learning. Never stop asking questions. Listen. Be open to all ideas and viewpoints. You don't have to agree, but make sure to respect and honor other's visions.
Always tell the truth. And live your truth. Because when in your truth, you are your most beautiful.
Feel everything. The happiness, the sadness. The anger, the bliss. The elation, the despair. The darkness, the light. Honor it all. It is what it means to be human. Emotions are a gift. They propel us forward. Being vulnerable to them does not make you weak. It makes you empowered. It makes you strong.
Never, EVER be ashamed of your body, naked or clothed. Appreciate the nuances of your physical being. Everybody has them. It is what make us each unique.
Be kind. You never know what someone else is going through. Be gentle. Show compassion to all creatures.
Make love. A lot. To others and to yourself. Seek God in those moments of bliss. It is often when the light is the most pure and clear. Allow that light to penetrate your being. Then say Thank You.
Do not fear death. The death of yourself or the death of others. It is the one guarantee this life has to offer us. If given the space, we can be witness to the beautiful experience that death is. Because it is not an ending, just a transition. Something new to be discovered on the other side. Embrace it.
Never let anyone stifle your sparkle. Know what you want. Take the time to learn what your soul longs for and don't settle for less. Go after it. If the man in your life does not share in your desires, move on. There is no lack of love in this world and there is someone out there that wants the same things that you do.
Expect miracles. And magic. Everyday.
Most importantly though, dear child, above all else, LOVE. Love well and love long. Love so much that it hurts. Love when they don't love you back. Don't just love when you are happy. Love when you are sad. When you are mad. Love when you want to hate. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. Love with all your fucking heart.
I love you. I love you so much. I believe in you. Now go and face the world. And be awesome.
Your friend forever,